Seattle Coffee Girl

Making the Transition

2009-06-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted a thing here in over a year and a half. To prove it, the Bear was 6 months in my last posting, and now he's almost 2. Scary.

So here's the short version of what I've been up to:

Worked my keester off for the world's largest specialty coffee company for over seven years. Went on maternity leave for four months when I had the Bear, went back to a workload that was totally different than my job description was designed to handle. Hated the work and the corporate dysfunction. Then got laid off (on my birthday, no less) in February 2009.

And getting laid off was The. Best. Thing. That's ever happened to me.

Spent four months looking in a totally hideous Seattle job market for some sort of project management position. Didn't find a thing.

Looked at our household budget, determined that we could (just barely) make it on one income. So as of June 26 (the Bear's last day at our wonderful-but-expensive Montessori daycare), I will officially bear the title of Stay at Home Mom. SAHM. A job title I never, ever thought I'd see on my own CV.

You know what I'm learning about myself? That looking fear dead in the eye and saying, "Yeah, so what?" really is the best feeling in the world. I've always been afraid of the finances of being a single income household. I've wondered if I have the chops to stay at home full-time with a wild and crazy toddler. And now I'm going to get to do both of these things.

Fear, take that!

Daycare Rocks

2008-01-25T12:15:00.000-08:00

Bear loves his daycare. The gals are superfantastic to him, he gets lots of cuddles and snuggles from Miss Joanna, and he loves taking his powernaps in his superfantastic crib.

The crib also happens to be the designated Emergency Crib, which means that if the building is burning down, then all the infants in his room will be thrown into that crib and wheeled out the door in a mad dash. Which means bodes well for Bear making it out in one piece. It's his crib, after all.

Bear is still getting over that nasty cold. The snot factor has been huge with this cold, and mucus combined with snot running down a small person's face is not my idea of fun. Mothering a sick person is a fascinating experience. Someone actually wants me to comfort them. It makes my heart all mushy just thinking about it...sigh...

I have recently determined that Montessori is Italian for "we don't do boogers." Not that I blame those ladies one single bit. With the temp soaring in that infant room, nasal passages get dried out quickly. Keeping the babies warm means also keeping noses and faces dried out. And for Bear, it has meant some monster boogers this week. Nasty. He comes home with rosy cheeks and bats in the cave, and then he squaks like a banshee when I have to get rid of them. Fun, fun, fun.

On the work front, I think I am finally getting the hang of how to get out the door by 6:20AM. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Routines Are Good

2008-01-17T10:35:00.001-08:00

My evening routine has morphed a bit.

Since joining FlyLady some four years ago, I have learned the value of a good evening routine. Getting bits and bobbles put back where they belong, putting dishes away, thinking about tomorrow's calendar, packing a lunch. Evening routines are what make the workday morning manageable. They are the launching pad for a successful tomorrow.

DH and I are re-writing our evening routine. It's very cool to have him on board for the whole evening routine bit. Before, DH had his own items to deal with, in no particular order. He is always fastidious about cleanliness, so he silently managed all the hot spots throughout the great room. Now, he's actually coming over to my Control Journal to look at the checklist for the Evening Routine. Here's what he sees:

1. Put away all dishes, wipe down the sink and set out a clean dish towel.
2. Pack lunches for tomorrow.
3. Pack bottles for Bear for tomorrow.
4. Take evening vitamins.
5. Set out all breakfast items and vitamins.
6. Set up coffee and auto-brewing.
7. Set out Bear's clothes for tomorrow.
8. Set out my clothes for tomorrow.
9. Nurse Bear.
10. Get into bed by 9:30pm for quiet time.

And while he can't help me with #8 and 9, everything else is up for grabs. In the two weeks since I've been back to work full-time, DH has had several nights of handling most of the list all by himself. One evening, I saw him using the red vis a vis pen to put check marks next to his accomplishments. (Doesn’t everyone love ticking off “DONE” on a checklist?)

Getting read for Tomorrow takes up our entire evening, it seems.

On another note: We are keeping ourselves entertained with Season 1 of “30 Rock.” I gave the set to DH for Christmas because he loves “The Office,” and I figured he might enjoy getting into another award-winning comedy. We watch one episode per night after dinner. It’s amazing how a 30-minute TV episode gets consolidated down to like 23 minutes when the commercials are left out. Yikes.

I love Tina Fey. That woman knows how to make me laugh! Smart, funny and zippy little show, that one is. Alec Baldwin gets some of the best lines.

My New Life

2008-01-15T15:42:00.001-08:00

Well, I never have time to blog any more.

Since getting back to work, I've reaqauinted myself with the old routine of reading 150 emails a day and talking about coffee. (After all, that's the gist of what I do for my away-from-home work.)

But everything else has changed.

Now, my 1 ½ hour each way commute is spent decompressing from the long day. Thinking about all the work that’s in my inbox and wondering how I’m going to feed Bear and DH and me before 10:30pm at night. Then, nearly panicking when I think that this is my new life.

I have to give some major snaps to DH, who has been an incredible gem during this heinous transition. (I say “heinous” because I like the word and because I am being hard on myself.) Heinous because I am crying on a daily basis now. My stress tolerance has fallen to virtually nil; everything seems to set me off. And watch out, I am also caffeinated, so everything that starts out heinous gets way worse once I get my hands on it.

This, too, shall pass.

For now, I stare at my wallpaper on my laptop at work. Bear is looking like such a big boy now. He's off at Montessori figuring out how to be the Big Man on Campus while he schmoozes the teachers in his room. All this, and he's only 4 months old! Waah ha!

Happy 2008!

2008-01-01T10:17:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year!

It was a quiet evening in our household. We had my family's enchiladas for supper, fed the Bear his second serving of rice cereal (he loves it!), and tucked ourselves into bed at a very respectable hour. We still practice the sleep-when-baby-sleeps approach, and neither DH nor myself had any interest in ringing in the new year. How terribly boring of us.

It's a new year...a fresh sheet of paper, a new start, a year with no mistakes in it...yet. Here's to a wonderful new year!

Bear's First Christmas

2007-12-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

Bear has been Dunked

2007-12-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

Bear was baptized in all his naked glory on Saturday, December 5 at approximately 5:55pm PST.

It was an amazing moment for me and DH. The angels seemed to sweep down from Heaven as Father held the babe above the holy water font to dunk him three times in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. And then, the pastor held naked Bear up, Lion King-style, to show him to the congregation. I was so verklempt I could hardly see Father to thank him through my tears.

Life is full of big moments and little moments. I love the little ones, but thank God for the big ones. When I hear the angels sing and I know God and community are paying attention, it humbles me to the core. Life is lived in Ordinary Time, but thank goodness for the Sacred.

We had a kick-butt party for about 45 of our favorite folks. The food was a hit, the Mexican Coke flew out the fridge, and everyone left happy and stuffed.

Meanwhile, I was ensconced in the nursery for practically the whole party with a very tired Bear. Turns out, he doesn't really like wearing dresses and having all manner of stinky annointing oils smeared all over his head, chest and shoulders. While the Church explains the annointing as "keeping infants slick and slippery from the grasp of evil," Bear would have been happy to go without the balsam scent and drippy viscose of that stuff.

Bear has a cold, I've been exhausted, and I haven't posted all week. We have to run to Bear's new Montessori school now, it's time to do the meet-and-greet with the teachers and get him used to the new place. Will post photos of the baptism when I have time, but for now, suffice it to say that we're all very, very happy and still very, very tired from celebrating Bear's entry into God's kingdom.

Life is good.

Party Prepping

2007-12-07T16:51:00.000-08:00

It's beginning to look festive around our house.

Mom arrived from the Bay Area yesterday, and we've been decorating the house for Bear's baptism party tomorrow night. There are four (!) trees up in our house now, the greenery is up on the mantle, and the mistletoe is up.

The food we're bringing in tomororw night is from our favorite spot on Beacon Hill, El Quetzal. Juan and his wife Elena serve Mexico City street food, and it's out of this world delicious. DH and I have been eating at Juan and Elena's joint since they opened two years ago, and we dig their food. The huaraches are magnificent, and the tortas are to-die-for delicious.

The Coca-Cola we got for the party is from Mexico, too. (Coke conisseurs insist that the Mexican variety is the best because it's made with actual sugar instead of the high fructose corn syrup that Coke bottlers in the US use. We'll find out tomorrow if my friends and family agree.)

We're off to Juan and Elena's place to eat supper and pay for tomorrow's feast. They'll deliver it to the house while we're still at mass, so my brother-in-law and sister are gladly skipping Communion so they can come here and let Juan set up in the kitchen before everyone arrives. (Aww, taking one for the team...ha ha.)

I must away...there are swags to be hung and lights to be lit and pine needles to be vacuumed up!

And tomorrow, there will be a baby to dunk!

I Don't Get It...

2007-12-06T10:05:00.000-08:00

Admitedly, I have not read the book. So I prop myself up with ignorance on this one, but I just don't get it.

I watch Oprah every once in a while. And for the second time, I saw this Elizabeth Gilbert lady talking about her book, Eat Pray Love. I haven't read the thing, again...no idea what the big fuss is. I just find it odd that this woman is achieving near-guru status. What's that all about?

Now I'm wishing I had not opted out of my book group the month they read this book. I think I may be the only woman on the planet who has not read this book. Whatever.

Crock Pot Recipe: Chicken Paprikash

2007-12-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

DH gives this a 10 out of 10. It kicks some serious booty, and I puffy-heart anything that bubbles in a crock all day long. It makes me hungry all day long when I'm at home with a simmering crock o' deliciousness. No wonder I snarfed all those Trader Joe's Peppermint Candycane Joe Joe's for lunch today. AACK.

Chicken Paprikash
Serves 4

1 lb. chicken breast, sliced into 4" long strips
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 small onion, chopped
2 square containers of cremini mushrooms, cleaned and roughly chopped
1 small red bell pepper
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tsp. paprika
3/4 tsp. salt
pepper, to taste
1/2 c. chicken stock
1/2 c. sour cream
1 Tbsp. flour

Heat olive oil in cast iron skillet over medium high heat. Sear the chicken strips. Put them in the crock. Using remaining oil in pan, saute veggies, garlic and paprika for about five minutes. Add the salt and pepper, then put it on top of the chicken in the crock pot. Add the chicken stock and let it simmer on low for five to six hours. Just before ready to serve, mix the flour into the sour cream. (This will prevent the cream from curdling in the hot liquid.) Add the sour cream mixture to the crock, then heat on high for about ten minutes until the liquid thickens.

One of these days, I'm going to try this using smoked paprika. Mmmm...

Serve over some buttered egg noodles, or just put it into a shallow bowl so you can slurp it up like DH does. :)

It's Been One of Those Weeks...

2007-12-05T20:41:00.000-08:00

Wow, Bear has been on a feeding frenzy lately. Which means that we're on an every-three-hours feeding cycle at the moment. I've been reading that the three month marker usually presents a big growth spurt. Bear is definitely growing...pudging up and looking extra cute. I think the only trait he got from me are those thunder thighs of his.

It's been one of those weeks when I feel as though I'm just treading water. There is a ton of stuff to do around here to get ready for the baptism on Saturday. My mother flies in tomorrow, my sister and her husband come on Saturday, we have a workshop on Saturday morning, and then Bear gets dunked at the 5:30pm mass. Then we're having thirty people to our home for a buffet dinner. Yikes, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

I'm playing Perfectionism games with myself lately. How can I create the perfect looking holiday mantle? What's the best way to display the Christmas cards we receive? I must get our live tree up in the living room since we've got the artificial tree up in the great room. We must do luminarias for the front walkway. I will get more lights for the kitchen tree tomorrow. Time to get the loft tree set up with colored lights and ornaments.

YEESH. Someone please tell me to take a chill pill. I have a baby in the house, I'm sleep deprived, I haven't been eating well, and I think I'm being fueled solely by coffee and some weird obsessive-compulsive desire to make our house "perfect" before our big party on Saturday evening. WHAT GIVES? Who have I become, and why am I putting all of this pressure on myself???

It feels nice to be open here about the weird pressures I'm putting on myself. All two of my loyal readers will surely have good guidance for me. :)

I'm going to take a few deep breaths, have a cup of herbal tea, and go take a soak in the tub. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Flinging My Way to Happiness

2007-12-04T11:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a long, slow project that has been weighing on me for over a year now. When we first found our five-bedroom-plus-office home, DH and I agreed that the office would be his, and I would take the smallest of the bedrooms upstairs as A Room of Her Own. The space is tiny, probably 7'x6'. But it's a perfect little spot for meditating, praying, doing yoga, reading a book, wrapping gifts, journaling...you get the picture.

Unfortunately, when we moved into our monsterously large house with absolutely no storage space, my tiny Room of Her Own became a nasty dumping ground for all sorts of detritus. Wedding china, clothing, old bills, boxes of books and unsorted junk of all kinds were piled to obscene heights in that tiny room. No carpeting was visible between the boxes of stuff. It was a bloody nightmare.

DH affectionately called it the FEMA Room, because it looked as though some sort of natural disaster had occurred in there. Whenever he said the name, I got twerped off with him about it. The fact of the matter is, most of the stuff in there belonged to ME. MY books, MY junk, MY old bills. I was twerped off with the name of the room because DH was darned right...it did look like there had been a disaster in there. The room was a blatant sign of my inability to deal effectively with all my STUFF.

Lorraine helped me get a work plan going for cleaning up the room. She was thoughtful and straightforward with me about it, there was absolutely no shame in showing her this shameful secret in our home. She took it like the professional that she is, and she showed me the light at the end of the tunnel. And the greatest thing of it all is that she gave me the structure and a great head start, but I did all the work myself. She sat with me twice and helped me sort, and the rest of the clean-up I did over an eight week period, fifteen minutes at a time.

This past weekend, I finished up the room. We had four runs to the Goodwill, three trips to Third Place Books to sell back my old books, then two trips to Half Price Books to sell back the stuff TPB wouldn't take, twenty bags of recycling, five bags of garbage, three boxes of things to sell on craigslist and a bag full of stuff to give to others as gifts. I estimate we flung over 250 pounds of stuff. Swell!

On Sunday, we officially renamed the FEMA Room. It is now called Her Meditation Room. And while it needs a bookshelf, some artwork and a comfy chair, it is now a blank canvas ready for my imaginings. I'm going to invite Lorraine back to help me envision the next step for this space. Who knows, the name may even change a few more times before it becomes what it is meant to be.

All I know is, I don't ever want to accumulate that much detritus. I don't need that much stuff in my life. I feel now as though a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. It's really an incredible feeling.

Little Bear in an Irishman's Cap

2007-11-30T08:33:00.001-08:00

This is for Lorraine. I know you've seen this outfit already, but I think we had to take the cap off before we saw you at Stina's? He hates it. But I love it. So he wears it.

I am mean. :)

Taking Bear to Work

2007-11-30T08:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had a surreal experience. I took Bear into my office so I could pack my own desk for an upcoming cubicle move. (Yes, I am losing the most swanky view in Seattle...gone will be my view of the downtown skyline, and when I return to work in January I'll be looking over at the West Seattle peninsula. Tragic, really. But I thoroughly enjoyed it while it lasted.)

So I was asked by my co-worker friends if I wanted to pack my own things, or if I'd prefer to have them pack up all my stuff. It made me uncomfortable to think of them packing their own stuff plus my junk, so I decided to go in and pack things myself. It took about 15 minutes, really. (I travel light at work; you never know what may happen.)

Having Bear at my cubicle, staring at me with his father's big, gorgeous blue eyes, was really surreal. The last time I sat in that cubicle, I was out-to-there pregnant with him. Couldn't wait to meet him. And now, fast forward three months, and he's here and I love him to bits and I love being his mother. And even with all the love in the air, I felt like going back to work seemed like a good idea after all. On the roller coaster ride of my LOA, I'm suddenly feeling quite contented with returning to my job.

I have another 31 days of maternity leave to enjoy. I'm going to get about the work of enjoying it!

SOS: Cleaning Vintage Linen

2007-11-26T11:15:00.000-08:00

HELP ME! I'm trying to get a baptismal gown prepped for Bear's baptism in a few weeks. Thing is, the gown is four generations old. It's delicate and made of very soft linen and lots of lace.

How in heaven's name do I clean this thing?

Somebody please help me...I'll be in big trouble with the in-law's if I bolox the cleaning of this family heirloom!

Midnight Feedings

2007-11-25T16:50:00.000-08:00

The Bear is going through a growth spurt. The kid is taking off like a weed, and I'm trying my darnedest to keep up with him. He woke us four times last night to nurse. I don't know if it's humanly possible for a baby to tap its mother completely dry, but this kid is well on his way to doing just that.

DH gets up with me, the blessed man. He's really a superfantastic partner to me. He went on paternity leave for two weeks after Bear was born, and when he returned to work I promised him that I would handle the feedings on my own. I wanted him to get a good night's sleep once he was working again, and I figured I could take some sleep depravity since I was the one on maternity leave. (Love those afternoon naps with the babe!)

DH decided several weeks ago that he was going back to joining me in the nursery for every overnight feeding. (What a guy, huh?) So every time we hear Bear on the baby monitor, I leap out of bed as though sleepwalk-running from a towering inferno. DH is right behind me, mumbling and stumbling while he puts on his robe and grabs his watch. (We don't have a clock in Bear's room...why, oh why, do we not have a clock in there?) DH times the feeding and generally helps keep me awake while the Bear has his midnight meal. I usually end up falling asleep at some point during this bit. The ocytocin usually gets the better of both me and Bear, and we both end up cat napping during this little meeting. DH keeps us both focused, gets us back to bed without hurting ourselves, and does the 5 S's with Bear to get him back to sleep.

Were it not for my hubby being a highly evolved male, getting up with me to feed the baby, I'm sure I would have done any and all of the following things by now:
- put the baby back to sleep in the bathtub
- stubbed my toe so badly on the stumble back to bed that it would be a stump of its former self
- put a white turban on the Bear's head instead of diapering his fanny
and/or
- generally gone mentally insane from the sleep deprivation

DH keeps me humming along for these midnight feeds. Granted, he often falls asleep on his own watch, but that does not diminish the power of his protection over me and Bear. He makes the whole thing work, and for that I am eternally grateful. :)

The Joys of Pot Roast

2007-11-19T12:47:00.000-08:00

We served pot roast at our dinner part last night. It was seriously delicious. I know this because everyone at the table told me so, and because I ate it myself and I really agree that it was seriously delicious.

Searing a roast, adding some stock and wine and a few chopped veggies and then letting it bubble in a Dutch oven all day long...could dinner be any easier?

The gravy was fab, albeit a bit thick. (I should have thinned it a wee bit, as I used a tad too much flour.) The shallots and pinot noir I added to the braising liquid made for some serious yumminess.

I'm a big fan of Sunday suppers. Specifically those involving a big roast meat of some sort. So perhaps next month I'll try Kimberly Ann's Corned Beef recipe. That, too, looks seriously delicious.

Now I must away...it's my weekly Home Blessing Day. I have floors to vacuum, magazines and catalogues to recycle, and dusting to do. I've already completed the wash and changed the sheets, good on me.

Busy, Busy Weekend...

2007-11-17T09:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks to LT and KA for your input on the Christmas card situation. After thinking about it further, I've decided to give it up entirely this year. Cold turkey sounds like a delicious option right now. Hee.

Okay, busy weekend...

Meeting Sis-in-Law for a stroll on the Burke Gilman with our boys. Then coming home to tackle the FEMA Room with DH. Tonight, we are celebrating collective wedding anniversaries with two other couples who got married within a few weeks of us. We've all recently completed our newlywed year. And DH and I even came out of it with a baby...nice door prize, wouldn't you say? We're doing a Balsamic Pork Tenderloin (actually, four of them) for this evening's supper. It's a Rachel Ray special. Will advise on how it turns out, the recipe couldn't be easier.

Tomorrow, we are having the Sunday Supper crowd back. I'm doing a pot roast with assorted root vegetables. I love potlucking, because it allows me to focus on having a clean house and preparing ONE fabulous dish. Which is totally manageable.

Have I mentioned how much I puffy-heart Safeway.com? We have slowly purchased all of our Thanksgiving menu items over the past few weeks, so as not to bust our weekly food budget. And having everything delivered right to my kitchen counter totally rocks. It's making my life a lot easier while Bear is so little!

I'm off to put on some casual walking clothes. I'll be dressing Bear in my latest fashion obsession, Janie and Jack. Dang, I am really developing a bad habit around their gorgeous baby clothing. It's scary.

Happy Weekend!

Christmas Cards

2007-11-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

Why, oh why, do I drive myself crazy with this odd Christmas card obsession? I have some hard wiring that makes me absolutely compelled to send Christmas cards every year...why...???

DH had the brilliant notion last night that spending nearly $140 on sending fancy-schmancy (albeit totally coolio) Christmas cards was totally not financially and resource appropriate this year. He reminded me that, hello, we've just spent a few thousand dollars on hospital bills for having our kid...we did lovely, posh birth announcements...we had a secret photo shoot of the Bear with a fab photographer...we are throwing a baptism party...and, last but not least, I AM ON MATERNITY LEAVE so we have had to be very careful with our pennies.

(And I must add here, in all fairness, that we did budget and save for every single one of the aforementioned projects...except the damned fancy-schmancy Christmas cards!)

I have a newborn at home. Why, oh why, do I feel this sickening obsession with sending out Christmas cards?!? DH convinced me of the error of my ways. And this has helped lighten my load substantially. I cancelled my photo card order with Tiny Prints, and we'll try again next year. When we have a toddler. And life is even MORE crazy. Ha!

But I still have this sickening pull to send out cards. What's the deal???

Sterling Silver

2007-11-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

DH has the most lovely, graceful grandmother. She is an elegant, charming woman who radiates the kind of class and gentility that makes me gasp with delight. This woman is truly beautiful, inside and out.

She asked DH several months ago if he'd like to have some of her family silver. She has been divesting herself of some of her most prized possessions as she downsizes from her home and into a (very lovely, posh) retirement community. Her apartment doesn't have the square footage for some of her larger items, so she's passing along some of her most meaningful things to her family.

When DH casually mentioned the silver offer, I just about plotzed. I come from a long line of women who believe in the power of sterling silver. My mother was very wise: she registered for her mother's pattern of silver. It is simple, hefty and glistening. She now owns her mother's set, and I believe she intends to split the set between me and Sis one day. It has a lovely patina that comes from two generations of use. All of my holiday memories involve that silver.

When DH and I registered for our wedding, we took a lesson from Sis and her husband. At my mother's urging, DS and her hubby registered for silver. The current cost of true sterling silver flatware is prohibitive to most gift givers' budgets. Sis and her hubby didn't get a single place setting. Sis was disgruntled that she didn't go the stainless route, and Mom was a bit verklempt over the fact that silver has become rather impractical both financially and practically. Times are different now, perhaps folks aren't buying new sets of silver the way they once did.

Back to the generous gift from DH's grandmother: the sterling is gorgeous upon lovely upon stunning. It's by Kirk Stieff, and the pattern is called Repousse. It's very ornate, very feminine, very Grace Kelly. It makes me think of DH's grandmother just to look at it. In my dreams, I have a vanity set in my bedroom with a brush, comb and mirror set lined in this repousse. And I'm purring something about not having time to do the ironing, what with all my country club activities and cocktail parties. Hee!

I hope to find a lovely flatware box in which to store these new-to-us family treasures. I'm touched to the core that our little family now has a set of silver of its own. I think an intimate dinner with DH on our wedding china is in order...and you can bet we'll be using every single piece of the new silver!

Whidbey Weekend

2007-11-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

We took our first trip with Bear up to Gramma & Grampa's house on Whidbey Island this past weekend. DH and I were heartily reassured that traveling with an infant is not at all impossible. Bear was a dream, and we had a blast.

We tried out our Baby Bjorn for the first time. DH look fantabulous doing his favorite Euro-chic pose with baby, three-day stubble and sunglasses. Who knew fatherhood could look so good on a guy? Hubba hubba!

We brought the Pack and Play with us, so Bear was in our bedroom with us at the beach. It was so nice to be all together in that cozy little room, with the beach winds whooshing outside our windows. It reminded me of our first weeks having the baby at home, being in the same room together.

DH and I put Bear into his crib and his own room when he was three weeks old. It was tough, but it was a major milestone for us. We knew we weren't prepared to do co-sleeping, and DH had to return to work three weeks after Bear was born. (Yes, paternity leave is a hugely terrific blessing.) So being all together in the same small room over the weekend was really nice...brought back some neat memories of not-so-long-ago. :)

Today is my Play Day. Bear and I are going to do some shopping at the swanky University Village in Seattle. I'm off to look at a Hooter Hider at Village Maternity, then we'll head to Fran's so I can get some nibbits. Nibbits are the only thing that allow me to stay within my points on Weight Watchers...every girl needs a steady dose of chocolate when trying to live healthfully!

I'm off for a fun day in town...

Cooking Dinner

2007-11-06T08:59:00.001-08:00

I really struggle with cooking. I come from a family of gourmets. My mother is a fantastic cook, she can whip up flights of fancy with the simplest ingredients. My father knew how to do incredible things with chile and bacon drippings. Me...not so much.

My family likes to tease me that the firs thing I cooked by myself, at age seven, was an entire box of grits. "Enough to feed an army," they said. Well, I liked me some grits. So there.

After years of being single, I developed a habit of trying new things. Each week, I'd plan my menu and grocery shopping list complete with five days' worth of new recipes. I was always cooking recipes from magazine articles, cookbooks and online recipes. Everything was all new, all the time.

Weird, huh?

How come I never got myself a repetoire, you ask? Well, I suppose being single had something to do with it. Growing up, evening supper was the highlight of our family's day. Everyone gathered 'round the table for an incredible meal and great conversation, some nice music in the background and a bit of candlelight. But as I got older, I really hated dinner time without my family. It was so lonely and dull sitting down to the table by myself. I was either doing the do-see-do with a roommate trying to cook for myself in a shared kitchen, or I was cluttering up a tiny galley in my own apartment. Dinner was utilitarian because it was alone, so I always tried to cheer things up with *new* fancy or elegant new foods. Trying to forget that I was sitting alone at the dinner table eating this stuff.

Now, with just under a year of married life under my belt, I'm trying to develop a repetoire of recipes. Sad, I know. I'm in my mid-thirties and I'm just now starting to figure out what I like to cook and what our family likes to eat. DH isn't terribly picky, and his tastebuds have acclimated nicely to my passion for chile peppers. We both enjoy culinary adventures now and then, but we also both crave some standards, some family favorites, some good ol' fallbacks. I'm working on that now, and I've come up with a whopping 30 family favorites.

We have a ratings system with a 1-10 scale. (10 being the zenith, of course.) DH and I have agreed that a dish has to be at least a 7 to be kept in our repetoire. And the 10's are few and far between. DH doesn't want to give those out willy-nilly, and I am very suspicious when something gets a 10. So we have lots of 8's and 9's, with just a very few 10's.

I'm sharing here what we had for dinner last night, which recently was upgraded from a 9 to a 10 by DH. It's really easy and generates nice lefties for lunch the next day.

Easy Dinner

2007-11-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

Make a slide show, scrapbook or ecard

Staying at Home vs. My Career

2007-11-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

I've been reluctant to address the topic of stay-at-home motherhood vs. working-away-from-the-home motherhood. It's a emotional topic, with constant media attention and public debate lately. Oprah had an episode on it recently, and I couldn't believe how snarky the SAHM's and working mom's were with one another when discussing their lifestyle choice. It irked me to no end. I mean, aren't we all women here, and haven't we and our mothers and grandmothers worked incredibly hard in order for women to have the right to make all kinds of choices about how to live their lives? The idea that women would pull one another down when discussing the most unique and important role we can have...motherhood...totally chaps my hide.

I've been on maternity leave from my career since mid-August. Bear is getting my full and undivided attention right now, as it should be. (Well, not right now, as he's currently in his bouncy seat asleep while I type this post.) It's a luxury I know not all women can afford. I feel very blessed to have this time to devote to our young family. Having your first child wrecks havoc on your body, your sleep schedule, your marriage, and your sense of self. Parenthood is totally huge.

I will be going back to work on January 2. And recently, I've been feeling all sorts of intense feelings about that date. On the one hand, I'm eager to get back to my adult world of problem solving, goal setting, achievement, and (ahem) paychecks. I love what I do, I adore the people I work with, and I know I've got a good thing going with my work. And on the other hand, I'm loving these days being at home with Bear. I love taking care of our home, I adore being able to spend time with the baby while I exercise to get back in shape, and I love being the full-time CEO of Family, Inc. It rocks my world like I never imagined it could.

I am trying to be present to this special time in my life...to enjoy the snuggles and diaper changes and afternoon naps with Bear. I know that this season will pass, and I'll be back to my desk job working on projects and cupping coffees again. I like to think that I can honor this time in my life whilst knowing that my world will be changing again when I go back to work. I have had a few meltdowns recently at the thought of sending Bear to the (superfantastic, totally amazing, top-notch) Montessori we've enrolled him in. I sometimes wish I was going to be home with him during the day instead of having to kiss him goodbye and send him to daycare with bags of breastmilk. And yet, I also know I have worked hard to get where I am in my career, and I cannot afford to let this good thing at work go just yet.

It's hard enough doing battle with myself, without watching those mothers on Oprah battling each other about their respective life choices. We all have choices to make in life, so let's just lighten up on one another, shall we?

Infant Baptism

2007-11-03T19:44:00.000-07:00

I spent most of Friday lettering the envelopes for Bear's baptism invitations. We're going to have a 'do for Bear's baptism, it's been decided. DH and I figured out a while ago that we wanted to do something celebratory to commemorate the baby getting dunked. So we're hiring our favorite Mexican chef to cater with some lovely appetizers at home after mass.

It's going to be an interesting event, to be sure. See, I'm the Catholic one. DH is Presbyterian-by-way-of-Methodism. Considering becoming Catholic. And Bear...well, he just doesn't give a rip. He'll play for any team at this point. (Whichever one happens to have the better binky will likely win his favor.)

We've got a baptism gown that spans several generations from DH's family. Bear will wear that along with a baptismal slip that my mother made for her best friend's son. He'll be decked out in finery from both sides of the family. DH still isn't so keen on his son wearing a "dress," however.

At my parish, we do hearty dunking of nekid babies. Father Ryan loves baptizing babies, and just a few years ago the baptism team convinced him that annointing the babes au naturel was really the way to go. So it makes for a very impressive experience. It's not every day you see babies being baptized, let alone buck naked ones. I'm already pre-worrying that Bear will pee on the pastor...

DH and I had a deal. When he easily and wholeheartedly agreed to raise our kid Catholic, I told him he could pick the godparents. Because at least one of the godparents had to be Catholic, and because DH was going to raise his child in a tradition not his own, it was really important to me that DH be completely comfortable with the godparents. DH came back with a wonderful suggestion in our friends D&S. We've been in a small group with them for three years, and DH loves them both dearly. They've got a rock-solid marriage, they're a hoot to be around, and they've got an incredible family life. We can't wait to call them part of our family when Bear gets baptized.

Baby Giraffe

2007-11-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

Bear as a Giraffe. How cute is that?

His latest "thing" is sticking his left fist into his mouth. He's cut his lip twice because I do not have the courage to cut his dagger-like fingernails. So as he tries to get his thumb into his mouth, he ends up with a bloody lip. Nice.

DH thought Bear should have gone as Freddy Kruegger with those dagger nails. He teases me like that.

Guess I'd better get armed with the infant clippers and magnifying glass. Aack!

Sheer Suburban Humiliation

2007-11-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

We ran out of candy last night. Granted, we were giving out 2 pieces per kidlet because by 7:00 the doorbell had barely rung twice! But by 8:10, we were fresh out.

We turned the lights out, blew the pumpkin's candles out, and closed and bolted the door. Then we hid in the great room...in near darkness.

It was pitiful.

Live and learn...buy more candy next year!

Confidential to ET: Happy Birthday!

2007-10-31T11:14:00.000-07:00

Just a quick shout-out to my dear friend ET. Your 50th birthday came and went, and I wasn't there to celebrate with you. Looks like I missed another party-of-the-year at your place.

You've been on my mind all weekend...50 is a big deal. LT knows a little something about that, hope she's showing you the ropes.

ET, you were my very first friend in Seattle. I can't imagine what my life would be like if our paths hadn't crossed. You've brought such laughter to my life, and you've showed me more about God than you'll ever know. Your irreverent sense of humor, your ability to cut to the chase and get to the heart of the matter, and your storytelling all make you priceless to me.

You introduced me to the fantasticness of single-malt Scotch. You've cooked some of your most amazing feasts for me to enjoy. You've been with me for all the Sacramental moments in my life. And your family has become my family.

In short, I can't imagine my life without you. Thank you for being my friend.

Wishing you many indies, fine Scotch, and endless apple pies in your new year of life.
Happy Belated 50th, ET!

Sis and Bear

2007-10-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

Look at my amazing sister, will you? Isn't she the most gorgeous creature you've ever seen? All that, and she can cook! (Sorry, gents, she's taken...)

Bear loved his auntie, and we had an incredible weekend together. It was lazy and full of chatting, baby hugs and pumpkin patch fun. It was just what we all needed.

Shots

2007-10-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

Bear had his first round of immunization shots on Monday. And we're still trying to recover here.

Wow, he took it like a champ...a bit of squirming and a big fat wail. Crying and red-rimmed eyes, but three minutes later he was over the whole thing. I gave him Infant Tylenol to help ease the sting and delayed soreness. (Thank goodness for that stuff!)

He's not been his usual perky self for the last two days. He's sleeping a ton, and he's not been terribly hungry. I think it was a bit more traumatic for his system than I'd expected. I'm giving him lots of extra TLC.

And then there's me. Holy Moses, I had a total crying breakdown when we got home from the Doctor. DH and I both were quite brave in the Doc's office as we held Bear down and comforted him. Three quick jabs in those incredible thunder thighs of his, and it was all over. But I didn't have the freedom to cry until we got home. I was too focused on soothing Bear while we were at the office. Once we got home, a torent of tears ensued. Ye gads, I had no idea those shots were going to bother me more than Bear.

I'm nursing my own emotional wounds today. That was, indeed, excruciating.

Sister

2007-10-27T09:28:00.001-07:00

I have always said that my younger sister is the best present my parents ever gave me.

It holds true even more now that we're getting older. How wonderful is it to have someone in the world who totally, 100%, unequivocably, truly gets you? Who knows you better than you sometimes know yourself, who cheers you on when things are tough and celebrates your victories more than anyone else in your life? Sis keeps me accountable, she makes me giggle, and she makes me think about who I really am and who I am capable of being.

My Sis is here for a weekend visit to meet Bear. This qualifies as a Big Deal. I cried like a big sap when we saw Sis in the airport and I was holding my son in the Moby, waiting to introduce them. My heart was flip-flopping, waiting to introduce these two special people. Aside from DH and my saintly mother, there is no adult on the planet who means more to me than Sis. To have her meet my son for the first time was a moment I'll never forget. And later, seeing the tear stains down her beautiful face from her tears of joy made me realize that it was an equally huge deal for her to meet Bear.

More on Sis later...

I've got to hop along now...DH took Sis out for a run, and Bear and I have some serious prep work to do. We're off to a pumpkin farm for punkins and fresh air later today, and I have to change a very messy diaper. Yikes!

Dia de los Muertos

2007-10-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

I've always loved the Day of the Dead. I remember learning about the tradition and being totally mortified by the idea of all this food being lovingly prepared to honor the dead, paraded to the cemeteries and left there for the spirits to eat. Because I love me some Spirits, but please...all that great food going to waste? Yikes, that's just painful. (Really, the food doesn't go to waste. But still, the mere whiff of the idea made me worry.)

My dear deceased Papa was from New Mexico. And when he was raising my sister and me, he and my mom had a wonderful tradition of making enchiladas every Friday night. Our kind of enchiladas were different from everyone else's. They were flat. The New Mexican style enchiladas (or "enchies," as we called them) involved chile sauce, stacked fried corn tortillas, cheese, purple onion and a whole lotta love.

I know the smell of minced garlic sauteing in bacon drippings like I know the back of my own hand. It's a savory, rich, delicious smell that always makes my mouth water. And this was always the first movement of Papa's symphony. Bacon drippings and garlic slices. They would do their dance together in a stock pot, and he'd slowly add the rest of the ingredients for the red chile sauce. And I would always pull up a stool next to his stove and grate the cheese for the enchies. We would talk, tell jokes, and just hang out.

Papa often let me and Sis put together the enchies. Take out the cool plates, stack a fried tortilla, then add the onions and cheese and ladle some chile sauce over it. Repeat. Mom, Sis and I got two layers, Papa got three. (There was some weird macho gender rule about men always having three layers, women having two. Whatever.) Each plate was prepared according to the desires of the intended: no onions for Sis, more cheese for me, extra chile sauce for Papa. Then we'd carefully place the plates in the oven to let them bake. Twenty minutes later, they'd come out all red-gold and molten. We'd add a fried egg on top and tuck into the best meal of our week.

Enchies were our every-Friday-night ritual growing up. Of course, that was in the late seventies, before we all figured out that eating a pound of cheese a week maybe wasn't so good for the cholesterol numbers. But it was a heavenly ritual, and it brought our family so much closer.

I made enchies last Friday for my little family. Bear can't eat enchies yet, but DH loves them to bits. (Thank God, because while I know chile runs in my veins, it's not always a given that the gringos we love will like chile!) But I just hope Bear is getting a sense for that heavenly smell of bacon drippings and garlic. It is the scent of my childhood, and the ghost of my father all in one.

It's a nice way for me to introduce Bear to his Abuelo. And you can bet I'll be making a round of enchies for Dia de los Muertos this year. We won't process down to the cemetery to leave them for Papa, but we'll light a candle and put up his picture. I think he'd like that.

I Can Tell You This...

2007-10-24T09:53:00.001-07:00

People always like to claim that infants smile because of gas.

Well, I can tell you for sure that my kid doesn't smile because of gas. He is currently sitting in a bouncy seat passing a flourish of gas, and he has a very earnest look on his face. As though he's got work to do, and by God, he's going to do it. And there is nothing in the least to be smiling about.

Autumn-y Things

2007-10-23T16:22:00.001-07:00

Autumn is, by far, my favorite season of the year.

I love the leaves, the colors, the smells, the feeling of new school supplies, the taste of fresh apples and the way my shoes feel in new shoes. (Just like when I was growing up, I always buy a new pair of shoes in September.)

Today, I went for a walk around Greenlake with Lorraine. The colors were spectacular. It was warm and sunny, not the usual crisp fall days that I hope for at this time of year. But the sweet, delicious sunshine was everywhere. Charlie was blissed out in his carriage, and I had to take off my hoodie. It was glorious.

This morning, I made my favorite Autumn breakfast: crock pot pumpkin oatmeal. It fills the whole house with this amazing scent as it cooks all night. And I love the textures of rugged oats and smooth, creamy pumpkin. The top bakes up just a pumpkin pie, and the lower part has this toothsomeness to it that can't be beat. Had we not been running late this morning, I'd have made a big pot of Guatemalan coffee to go with it. I love me some Guatemalan blend coffee.

2007-10-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

Make your own slide shows and scrapbooks

A Few of My Favorite Things

2007-10-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Candy corn with salted peanuts.

They are the perfect snacking duo: creamy, salty, crunchy and sweet. It's nirvana in snack form. It tastes a bit like a Payday bar, only better. DH and I are seriously addicted to this stuff, but we only allow ourselves to have it in Autumn. Otherwise, we'd be the 800 pound couple.

And you gotta try the blistered peanuts from Trader Joe's. They're super-ultra-crunchy and have the perfect amount of salt. I am not a huge fan of the dry roasted variety of peanuts; they're just so dry. I like a little oil with my peanut. And these TJ's peanuts seriously rock the house.

Iris Nobile eau de parfum by Aqua di Parma.

Today marks four years since my solo trip to Roma. I was all about buying myself some expensive perfume while there, and Aqua di Parma had just launched this delicious scent featuring iris and vanilla. It's gorgeous. And I'm wearing it today, because I can.

See...in my superfantastic job, I cannot wear any scent. The team I work with does sensory work, sniffing and tasting coffees from all over the world. One whiff of Love's Baby Soft, and all sensory capabilities are shot to hell. So we have a strict "no fragrances" rule at work. Which makes me a cheap date for DH because the perfume he gave me for my birthday two years ago is still about 3/4 full. So weekends and maternity leave are the only times I get to wear scent. It's a bit sad on the girly front, but I've gotten used to not smelling like anything. Except for my perpetual coffee breath. So I just smell like coffee breath when I'm at work, which must be why I'm so popular with my cohorts there. Not. (Ew gross...rank coffee breath...)

When Juniper Sleeps by Seamus Egan.

Or as DH likes to call him, See-mus Eagan. Har har. It's the soundtrack to my Autumn. "Mick O'Connor's," track number 5, is one of my favorite songs of all time. The whole album is gorgeous, filled with jigs and reels and a few very haunting melodies. It makes me want to go on a Sunday drive for some serious leaf peeping. (How come East Coasters are the only ones who can say "leaf peeping" without it sounding totally lame? Is it because the West Coast has too many deciduous trees, and "peeping" always has other connotations out here?)

The return of a beloved magazine.

Victoria was my very favorite magazine back in the 90's when I was steep-and-deep working for Laura Ashley. I had a two year foray into heavy frou-frou, and Victoria was the perfect accompaniment to that time in my life. Gorgeous photos, excellent writing, decadent recipes. It went belly up about seven or eight years ago when Hearst closed it down. Now it's been resurrected by a new publisher, but with all the same visual charms. The new mag arrived last week, and reading it reminds me of where I was in life when I used to immerse myself in those magazine pages...it's surreal and inspiring all at the same time. And it got me to put down my coffee mug and pick up a(nother) cuppa tea. I'm digging it.

Shameless pictures of my adorable kidlet.

Need I say more?

My New Favorite Movie

2007-10-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

I am not really a movie person.

I know that sounds down-right counter cultural, un-American, boring and quite hideous, but there it is.

The problem is three fold: 1.) I don't like paying nearly $12.00 to see some schlocky film that I don't even know if I'm going to like. I am very particular about when/if I will allow my universe to be usurped by another's imagination for two plus hours. And 2.) I get bored watching movies at home. There is always something more interesting to do, and about 15 minutes into most DVD's I end up leaving to go clean out the lint catcher in my dryer. (Ha.) And 3.) I have a much better imagination for books and stories than most directors do. So they can't beat my imagination, and I can't tolerate being bored or disappointed with their interpretation of a beloved story.

But last night we watched a movie that my sister-in-law lent us while I was recovering from my c-section. It's called "Return to Me," and it stars David Duchovny (mmmrrrr...) and Minnie Driver.

The story was so sweet and endearing. The characters in the film were cool and funny and really likeable, and I could have stayed in that O'Reilly's Restaurant all night long! Carroll O'Connor and Robert Loggia were wonderful, and any script that features the lines, "Jesus, Joseph and Mary" is pretty wonderful in my book. Chicago is one of my favorite cities, and Roma...nothing beats Roma. I loved the touring bicycle in the movie. Bonnie Hunt and Jim Belushi with their millions of Catholic kiddos, including a few red heads...that's about the most fun I've seen family life on film in eons. And the romance itself is sweet, gentle and poignant.

And Holy Rosaries, Batman...Bonnie Hunt wrote and starred in this gem. How cool is she?

Yes, I'm a sucker for a good romantic comedy once in a while. And this one knocked my socks off.

No Power = Little House on the Prairie

2007-10-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

Growing up, our power used to go out all the time. We lived in the foothills of the Santa Cruz Mountains where evergreens could snap power lines like a thread and scissors. So we got used to having no power. Papa always fired up the gas stove, and Lindsay and I were in charge of rounding up the spare candles. Mom always managed to make something delicious for supper even without the power.

My sister and I always used to play "Little House on the Prairie" when the power went out. I was older, so I was always Mary (before she went blind). Lindsay was Laura. We would prance around the house in our flannel nightgowns, holding candles, and then we'd race to my bed and get under the covers so we could tell stories by candlelight. We loved those nights of no power. If the power went out in the early afternoon, we'd race down the hill to go meet "Pa" (our dad) as he was coming home from town (his office) on his horse (in his Mercedes). He'd pick us up and we'd happily deliver the news that there was no power, and we'd ask him all about how "town" was that day. Dang, we were goofy.

Last night, Bear and I were flying solo in preparation for a much-anticipated windstorm. (Todd is still in Alaska.) We were supposed to be out for the evening, but our plans changed when the power started flickering. I didn't want to go out and then come home to a cold and power-less house. So we stayed in, kept the gas fireplace burning, and ordered Pagliacci pizza. (Well, I ordered pizza...Bear's still on his liquid diet. Ha.)

Pizza arrived nearly cold, as the pizzeria had lost power just a few minutes before my pie was done. And the driver, despite the most articulate and excellent directions they have on file for our house, got lost. So soggy and cold pizza by candlelight, but we were safe and warm.

MIL called a few times to see how we were doing, and SIL checked in on us as they drove past our house to get to her folks' house. They all wanted us to come and hang out in a warm house with power. But see, I like hanging out in a cold house without power once in a while. Bear was bundled, we had the fireplace roaring and the great room had the glow of many candles. So there was no need to leave. Funny how freaky-deaky people can get about not having power. I guess I'm just used to it.

But cold pizza really does suck.

Blustery Thursday

2007-10-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

Had a lovely evening with the ladies last night. And they loved the Autumn Harvest Salad. So I'll post the recipe here shortly.

It's funny, we're supposed to have a "big" windstorm today. And heaven only knows what "big" really means. Because the weather forecasters here have had a relatively bland few weeks of forecasting, so a BIG windstorm could be just their adrenaline surging. Plus, the newscasters looooove to spill a sound bite with "big storm" in it; I think they find it all quite titillating. So perhaps we'll have a few gusts of wind today.

All I know is that it's 8:30 and I'm still in my jammies because it's rainy and dark outside, and because Bear has been fitful since 1:30AM. So I'm cushioning the day by staying cozy in the great room in my jammers. Bear is sacked out in his swing rock, rock, rocking away and I am going to make myself a cuppa tea. I'm breaking my own cardinal rule of not coming downstairs without being showered, clothed and made up. Some rules are occasionally meant to be broken!

Bear's New Cap

2007-10-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

Christina knit Bear a cap and brought it as a gift on Sunday. I've been waiting for the perfect blustery fall day to put it on him, and today was that day. It's gorgeous outside...crisp, windy and bright. (Well, it's not bright now...major clouds have descended, but this is Seattle after all!)

We took our stroll around the hood and noticed that most of our neighbors have pumpkins out on their stoops. Time to get with the program and find some pumpkins!

Thank you for the hat, Auntie Stina! Bear loves it, and so do I!

Solo Parenting

2007-10-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

It's not often that DH travels for work. He's up in Alaska for a very important presentation and sales event featuring a product he's been working on for weeks and months. And while Todd has a passion for travel, he's been ever so slightly reluctant to leave on this week's business trip. See, he's in love with his son. And he really didn't want to leave him.

So I'll be flying solo all week with Bear. Solo parenting, as it were. And I'm feeling a bit torn: both thrilled and freaked out. What's this week going to be like? A huge vortex of poopy diapers, me in my pajamas 24-7 with no make-up and crazy hair? Or structured and filled with activity like we usually do things around here?

I've made a plan for myself to keep busy. I have something planned every night during the week while Todd is gone. It's mostly as sanity thing, because I can't bear the thought of Bear and I being home alone in the evenings.

Monday: our small group is heading over to Evergreen Hospital to visit Bear's godparents who have just had twin baby girls. (Welcome to the world, babies Sydney and Sahara!)

Tuesday: Our PEPS group is coming here for the evening. The session will be about infant massage...cool!

Wednesday: Erica, Staci and Kathleen are coming for supper. I'm making my mother's Autumn Harvest Salad.

Thursday: Going to Lorraine's house for dinner. Can't wait to watch them fawn all over Bear. I love watching them delight in my baby!

Friday: The Girls are coming for dinner. Not sure what we're serving yet, may just order in from Pagliacci.

Bear and I hosted dinner last night. We were trying to convince ourselves that we didn't miss Todd so much, but it didn't work. It was a wonderful evening, but Todd was sorely missed by all. (Honey: Jerry has bought a new-er Mini Cooper with Australian right-sided driver's seat! He can't wait to show it to you!)

I've also got a few things planned here-and-there during the days to get us out of the house. But today's plans had to be rescheduled due to illness (feel better soon, Aunt Heather!), so Bear and I are going to stay bundled up here at home for now. It's a drizzly autumn day in Seattle, and I miss my husband. :)

Sunday Supper with Church Family

2007-10-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

Click to play Make your own Smilebox

Photo Collage of Our Friends

2007-10-13T21:25:00.001-07:00

Click to play | Make your own Smilebox

Greenlake

2007-09-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

We've been blessed with a fantastic man-made lake here in Seattle called Greenlake. The lake itself is rather odd: it's filled with green algae most of the year, and can muster up quite a nasty stink when the mold spores set afloat. But it's a gorgeous area, and it's smack in the middle of a nice middle-class neighborhood.

It's also become a see-and-be-seen type of place over the years. Couples often meet for their first date at Greenlake. Girlfriends meet to walk around and gab, eyes carefully shaded by sunglasses so they can slyly check out the shirtless dudes running their laps around the lake path. Moms meet with their strollers to get their morning exercise before their babies need naps. And elderly couples stroll the pathways enjoying the beautiful scenery and fresh air.

DH and I have shared many strolls at Greenlake over the years. We've talked about wedding plans, how many children we want to have (me: six, DH: two...so far, DH is winning), parenting plans (working vs. staying home), vacation plans (Tahoe, Hawaii, or Whidbey?), and dreaming (retirement: RV or vacation home). It's a great place for families to stroll, and we were eager to introduce Charles to the ways of the Lake.

Yesterday, we took Baby out for his first stroll(er ride) around Greenlake. He cooed and slept most of the way. And I walked slowly and purposefully, not quite with my natural pre-C section stride. DH used his long legs to stride with the stroller and chat with his mother and sister, who also accompanied us on our walk. DH is mastering the art of Cool Dad with Stroller: he had his commuter mug filled to the brim with a fine blend of African coffees, his hair all zjooshed and looking swell, and a bit of a stubble thing going. The man is hunky, what can I say?

I, on the other hand, was wearing maternity clothing. Still. Because while I'm already back to my pre-pregnancy weight (as it appears that my weight gain was, in fact, all baby), I still have a landslide on my frontside where my stomach used to be. And I've got this fantastic clothing contraption that helps keep my maternity pants up. So I'm not going to stress myself out about not fitting yet into my pre-pregnancy clothing. Heck, I had a baby two weeks ago. But it felt great to get outside, get some exercise, and spend time with the fam-damily.

And my son looked super-cute in his jogging outfit. Looks like he's ready for a marathon or something! (Okay, he actually looks like he's posing here for a tracing of a crime scene, but whatever...)

Check out those socks...they seriously ROCK!

And Here's Where the Fun Begins...

2007-09-09T20:01:00.000-07:00

Wow, that was an amazing experience. C-sections are really mind boggling. I don't think we could have had a better birth experience, and as it turns out, DS had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice. I also have a fibroid at the entrance to the birth canal, which the OB mentioned would have been nie impossible for DS to pass through.

Here are the stats:

born August 27, 2007

4:40 in the afternoon

8 hefty pounds, 15 extra ounces

21 1/2 mighty inches long

Baby Bear is cute, cuddly and active. He has a strong grip, big feet and a super-sized cranium. (Thanks to the suction efforts by the OB, who had a tough time getting him to come out! He's sporting a nice hematoma on the back of his head.) He had jaundice for the first few days, but he fed like a champ and beat those yellow nasties pretty easily. He sleeps in good spurts and loves his paci. (We thought we were super-opposed to pacifiers, but then we reminded ourselves that we don't know what the heck we're doing, so it's too early yet to be super-opposed to anything, for Pete's sake.)

Getting Ready for the Hospital

2007-08-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Check in time for my c-section is at 2:00pm today. Which is fine, because that will give me the morning hours for some prayer time and final organizing of The Hospital Bag. (Which, by the way, has been packed and standing at the ready for four days now. You never know when God might have different plans than your conveniently scheduled late-afternoon c-section.)

MIL came over yesterday to help me set up a "baby station" downstairs. See, our house is fairly good in size and it's split over two storeys. I've been advised to avoid climbing the stairs for a week or so post-op. We figured if we had a baby station upstairs and down, I could mobilize once per day and pretty much hang out on one floor or the other. So downstairs in the great room, we now have:

1. diapers in diaper caddy (with various other diaper-related detritus)
2. wipes
3. burp cloths
4. vibrating chair
5. onesies of various sorts
6. The Boppy
7. waterbottle
8. baby journal
9. baby reference materials

I awakened early this morning to go hang a flag outside our front door. I had given DH an American flag with wooden pole for his first Father's Day this past year. (Yes, it was a fetal father's day, but he was still a father even though his son was unborn!) I scouted out a cute baby-themed flag from eBay a few months ago, and I spent time yesterday washing and pressing it for flying. It was fun to take it out this morning and fly it in front of our landing. Baby isn't here yet, but he'll be here at 4pm today. So I figured we should fly the flag for the entirety of his birth day.

I've been advised not to eat or drink anything for at least eight hours before the surgery. Eight hours. Telling a pregnant lady not to eat or drink anything for that long is tantamount to telling a singer not to sing. It's just not right. So I have to do some serious "last meal" preparations this morning. One of the odder requirements of a c-section is that the mother not eat any food post-surgery until she has passed gas. That's right...no food until I flatulate. Seems really odd and entirely unladylike, but there it is. So I could conceivably go without food until some time tomorrow. At least I'll have access to some clear broths and water post-op. (Yummers.) So I have to eat something hearty and healthy this morning with the wishful thinking that it will sustain me for the next several hours.

I'll be drinking my favorite Morning Thunder Berry Smoothie to help hold off the hungries today

I'll also plan to have a piece of whole wheat toast and a Morningstar Farms veggie sausage patty. It's a power breakfast, if ever there was one! (It's a hearty breakfast for a stomach that is currently being squished by a tiny pair of feet!)

Will hope to post some stats after Little Guy makes his appearance. I may be in the hospital for up to three days, so posting may take a while.

Next time I post, I'll be a mother!

Morning Thunder Smoothie

2007-08-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

Click to play | Make your own Smilebox

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-08-25T07:07:00.001-07:00

B-Day

2007-08-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

It's odd to know when your child will be born.

DH and I were informed several weeks ago that apparently our son may have a long career ahead of him as a defensive lineman. At 36 weeks, he was guesstimated to weigh 9 lbs, 9 oz. Now, this is all from an ultrasound with a 20% +/- give or take. But we've been told several times now that the kid is BIG.

Our options were to 1) labor naturally, and face the 90% chance that Big Guy's shoulders would get caught in the birth canal. Or 2) go with a C-section straight away. We chose option 2. It was pretty much a no-brainer on our parts because we didn't relish the thought of having our baby's head attached to a bunch of nodes which would be monitoring his stress level through the birth canal. I also didn't want to endure 18 hours of laboring only to be told that I would have to have a C-section anyway. I say, cut to the chase. Let's get this show on the road.

Doula Lorraine was all set to support me through labor and greet the little man upon his arrival. And now it looks like only DH will be allowed in the OR with me for the C-section. So we've made the compromise that Lorraine and Grandma K (DH's mother) will be waiting for us in the post-op room where I have to hang out for an hour or so to stabilize. So Lorraine will get to see him very very soon after he's born. Though some of the glamour will be lost in not being able to watch him appear in this world, I'm terribly glad my dear friend won't be seeing my uterus out on my chest or my internal organs and other whatnots. I mean, I love her to bits, but let's keep some things private, shall we?

And so now we know our son will be born on Monday, August 27 at approximately 4:10pm PST. How strange it is, knowing when he'll arrive. Knowing that it only takes about ten minutes to deliver a baby via C-section, but it takes another 45 minutes or so to reconstruct my abdominal bits.

August 27 is the feast day of Saint Joseph Calasanctius, a Spanish priest who founded several public schools throughout Europe and founder of the Order of Piarists. If I were a true, old-school Catholic, I would be naming my son for his patron saint, Joseph. But I'm not so old-school in my Catholicism, and instead I'll be naming my son for my maternal grandfather. Or I could do as my Spanish grandmother did with my father: I could heap my son with every important saint's name in the book...my father's full name was Roberto Antonio José Luna Brown. (And the gringo name at the end...Brown...doesn't that round out the whole Spanish theme so nicely?)

My son's birth day will be August 27. I have to start getting used to that...it's going to be a life-altering day.

It's Been Three Months...

2007-08-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

My lastpost was in late May.

Okay, so posting is apparently not my forte. It's hard for me to manage everything at work, a new marriage and a new home and still find something to blog about. (Wah, wah, wah, you say.)

Well, I'm hoping things are about to change...

Baby is due Sept 1, and I go on maternity leave from my fabulous coffee industry career on Aug 17. So I expect I may have a bit more time between lack of sleep, a crying infant, poopy diapers and feedings to actually write a post once in a while.

Let's hope...

Here's to You, Lorraine!

2007-05-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Lorraine had a fab Memorial Day BBQ yesterday, and she chatted me up to pleasantly remind me that I need to make a post. (She also informed me that I’ve been tagged by JLow, so it’s time for me to get busy!)

Don’t worry about posting long items, just POST, she told me. That Lorraine is a smart one. So here I go…I’m posting.

Our little guy is moving around all the time. His latest fascination is kicking me in the bladder. Ooh, that’s weird. And ouch, that hurts!

It officially took me only 5 ½ months to get over my bout with all-day morning sickness. Woo to the hoo. And so now I feel fine.

But these stretch marks are making red tracks all over my belly. I’m using the cocoa butter and massaging them regularly, but it seems that roadmaps on bellies runs in my mother’s family. So no more swimsuit modeling for me. Ha!

OK, I am lame.

2007-04-22T20:51:00.000-07:00

I'm coming to terms with my lameness. Really, I am.

It's been ages, eons, weeks since I've blogged even a bit of something here. It's pathetic really. I have no excuses.

Except for the fact that I have been wracked with nausea for the past 5 1/2 months. Really, the easiest of tasks has become an utter challenge in this new world of pregnancy. I have forgotten to return phone calls to friends, I'm terrible now at returning phone calls, and I suddenly never know what day of the week it is. I've heard it called Baby Brain Rot, but I just call it awful.

So the only thing I've been good at lately is scoring major baby-related items on craigslist.com. Seriously, it's like a totally neurotic thing I have going now...it's the only thing that quells the nausea. Finding gently used baby stuff there has become my newest passion (obsession). I've found a jogger stroller, a breast pump and a dresser/changer. I've bargained with the seller on each purchase, and we've done mighty well for ourselves in outfitting the baby's nursery.

I have this funky game going with myself: whenever we find something for cheaper on craigslist.com than we would if we'd bought it brand-new, full price...I actually put the difference aside so we can set it into our kid's 529 college savings plan. Am I a dork or what?

So yes, it appears that I am both lame and dorky. What a winning combo!

Maternity Clothes

2007-02-08T15:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, what's the deal with maternity clothes?

I say this as someone who is ending my first trimester on Saturday and is starting to feel snug in her everyday couture. (Ha!) Anyway, it's time to start buying a few things.

In a burst of early morning energy on Sunday, I got online and bought myself a few basic pieces that claim to be 'wearable all 9 months of your pregnancy!' Okay, right. So the site I'm dealing with tells me to order my normal, pre-pregnancy size and that the maternity items should adjust to accomodate my growing belly.

Yeah, but what about the inexplicably growing derriere and décolletage? I have a hard time believing that everything else on my body is going to stay static, in some third dimension state of pre-pregnancy. Because I can already tell you, my belly is already entering the room before me.

So I've laid down some serious change on a basic wardrobe of pregnancy fashion. Everything was procured for under $21.00. And as I wait for the box to arrive and hope and pray that my expanding belly doesn't outgrow my Charter Club jeans before my big box o' mama gear gets here, I'm also still in awe of this thing that's totally taking over my body.

8 PM Bedtime

2007-02-06T08:52:00.001-08:00

I haven’t seen the 8pm bedtime routine since I was about 6 years old. Dang, it feels impossible to get enough sleep these days! DH is being an ultrasuperfantastic prince lately; he’s been bringing home the bacon AND frying it up in the pan AND vacuuming, taking the trash out, paying the bills, basically running the entire household. It’s times like these when you see the true colors of your life partner, and all I can say is THANK YOU LORD. This guy’s a gem.

The In-Laws are having us over for supper tonight. MIL knows I’m having some serious olfactory issues with all things cooking related, so she wants to help us out with a home-cooked meal that we don’t have to prepare! Aaah, it’s so nice to be pampered sometimes.

Not Eating Well...

2007-02-04T07:33:00.000-08:00

I was diagnosed with Graves' disease in 2004. It's an autoimmune disease of the thyroid, and it typically manifests itself in hyperthyroidism. (Hyperthyroidism, as I later learned, often causes rapid weight loss, heart palpitations, and exhaustion.) And of course, I had none of the symptoms of Graves' disease OR hyperthyroidism. My GP caught the funky numbers in my annual physical. (Thank God I'm not afraid of my annual physicals.)

So I have been a patient of an excellent endocrynologist for several years now. Good guy. He's smart, funny, and best part of all: I can understand what he's saying to me. (He's good at speaking like a layman...nice perk!) I was on meds for about 6 months so my thyroid could get regulated. And when Doc took me off the meds, it was with the hopes that my thyroid would self-regulate again.

The treatment worked, I've maintained normal thyroid hormone levels for about a year now. But we're still being very careful, watching my blood levels every two months.

I've got to stay committed to a very healthy lifestyle in order to keep the Graves' disease at bay. Exercise, a balanced diet and reducing my weight were all big successes for me in the past year. The danger in "letting myself go," so-to-speak, is that I could land myself firmly in the land of Diabetes if I'm not careful. So I've got to head the Good Doctor's advice and focus my attention on health.

Reducing my weight is really not possible while I'm pregnant. I'm a plus-sized woman. I have been advised by my OB not to gain more than a small amount of weight. In order to avoid gestational diabetes, preeclampsia and all sorts of other nasties, I've got to attempt to let my body maintain its weight equilibrium as best as possible.

This is not easy when one has constant nausea. The only foods I want to eat now are just loaded with carbs: beans and rice, potatoes, TOAST TOAST TOAST.

I made a poor choice for dinner last night involving fish and chips. Except I really only ordered it for the chips. And I didn't even eat half of the moderate-for-a-restaurant-sized portion. But I did a number on my tummy last night and was up half the night paying the dear price for my bad choice.

UGH.

So I'm outting myself here as a Carb Addict. And I'm going to get myself right with the food pyramid. Life is full of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean proteins and low-fat dairy products. I'm ready to start eating like a normal, healthy person even if my tummy and my brain are telling me otherwise.

(My current internal dialogue goes something like this:
You're special.
You're not feeling well.
You're With Child.
Be good to yourself.
Be good to yourself with the food you WANT to eat.
Don't worry about booting up your prenatal vitamin, just don't bother with that right now.
Eat what you like, and you can get back on the balanced diet bandwagon in your second trimester.)

It's time for me to get back to being healthy. I'm sick of the all-day-sickness, but I'm even more sick of feeling like crud because I'm not giving my body the proper fuel.

Bon Appetit, Mamasita.

JLow

2007-01-31T13:26:00.001-08:00

JLow, this one's just for you: So sorry I went back to private here again. I realized the other day that I had posted a comment right after LT's husband on a different blog. I still haven't told him the news, and I suddenly freaked that he'd read my blog and figure it out, and, well...I've known him for 13 years and reading he was going to be an uncle on my blog would be so not fair to him. :)

So you're in like Flynn, and I'll get back to public permissions as soon as I've told the rest of my church family. Apologies for the lack of postings here, my nausea has been at epic levels. And then the apathy set in. Poor DH barely gets a hug from me these days...all I want is Saltines, water and my bed. Thanks for your support, JLow! Must now go post a recipe...

We've Got a Heartbeat!

2007-01-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

DH and I headed in on Monday for our first prenatal visit. Doc was happy to see us, and she was very proud that her star patients had taken her advice and quickly "gotten busy." When we saw her at the end of October, she told us we should start trying right away. Well, guess things worked out pretty well on that front...

We did a quick check-in, then she took us down the hall to the sonigram machine. She got me all stirrup'ed up and put the instrument in place to get a good view of the peanut's heartbeat. (Yikes, thank goodness somebody warned me that the ultrasound would be taken internally, if you catch my drift.)

Tiny little blob hanging out in what Doc called a 'yolk sack.' Amazing. And then I can't get the idea of a chicken out of my head, for some reason. But then she focuses in on this little dark patch inside the blob, and there it is. A heartbeat. Beating, beating, beating.

DH and I are holding hands, squeezing the bejesus out of each other, and laughing and crying all at the same time. Staring at this huge monitor, looking at what appears to be our kid. Amazing.

Doc is winning us over, slowly but surely. She is, in fact, doing labor and delivery now. And she was thorough, informative and helpful. Her Nurse rocks in the bedside manner department, they have a nice yin/yang thing going. So DH and I are sticking with her as our cruise director.

Here's to our little chicken!

Big Doings Today

2007-01-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

Today is The Day.

DH and I head to the OB/GYN this afternoon at 4:00 PST. Ye gads, I'm nervous.

We did brave things this weekend. We told more of our close family members that we're expecting.

DH has been adamant all along that we not tell a soul until the end of the first trimester. But heck, he's not the one who feels like puking all the time and has hormones surging faster than the speed of light. That'd be ME.

So while it's been no big deal for him to keep his trap shut, I have slowly leaked the news to my very closest confidantes. I told my sister last week, and she short of chastised me for not sharing the news with Mom. And then I started to cry, not because Sis was really berating me, but because she was being gentle and wise and right in telling me I needed to let Mom know.

So I called Mom last night and let her know what's been going on. In the true style of my mother, it was a quiet, happy and loving conversation. She is thrilled for us. She had a hunch that I might have been PG. And she'll be praying for us at 4pm today.

In the end, I think I just needed to amass my small but faithful community around me today. God gives us the tools to help ourselves, but God can't do it all for us. I had to let the cat out of the bag so that, come what may, DH and I are surrounded by those who love us as we move out of our fear and into whatever adventure God has planned for us next.

Introductions

2007-01-20T07:41:00.000-08:00

LT is a dear, good friend of mine. I read her blog religiously, and I'm a professional lurker on her site. She's the writer, I'm the reader, and that's how it goes.

One day I took a big fat dose of Courage with my Wheaties and decided to get a Blogger ID. Because damnit, I was tired of logging in as "anonymous" every single day, and posting comments on LT's blog with various initials and aliases did, eventually, bore me. So I figured I'd seal the deal as an official LT groupie by announcing myself to her community on the comments section.

Except I got outed by a few folks who wondered who the hell I was, and why I didn't have a profile posted. Which was really uncomfortable to me, because I felt like I was still living in the shadows in some weird way.

So I come to you now, revealing as much of myself as I feel comfortable, to introduce myself to the world of Blogger. Now I know there have got to be gabillions of Bloggers out there who are typing their hormonal selves to bits over their pregnancy and baby birthings. But I suppose my life is less about hopefully being a vessel for some cool kid (I'm only nine weeks pregnant, after all...still not out of this purported "first trimester vulnerability zone," or whatever it's called), and more about...well, whatever I want.

I'm a girl. Who just got married. Who is crazy in love with her best friend/husband. And who has an amazing set of friends who inspire her faith and make her laugh. And now I'm knocked up. And here's where the adventure begins...

Kissing Cousins?

2007-01-16T08:21:00.000-08:00

DH's sister T called today to apologize for a misunderstanding between her and DH. She told him that she had been having a bad week when the misunderstanding occured, and that she had just learned that she is six weeks pregnant!

Holy cow, you could have knocked both of us over with a feather...

DH's Sis had a miscarriage last spring, and she and her husband recently told us they were trying again for a baby. Little did we know they were trying right when WE were trying!
If I do the math correctly, I think our pregnancies are spaced out by only about two weeks!
DH's Sis is already concerned about her pregnancy. She told us today that she's got some pain, and she'll be going in for an early ultrasound tomorrow. We assured her of our prayers, and wished her well.

It's awkward, because she has told us her news because she needs our prayers and support. And yet DH and I are holding fast to our decision to wait for the end of the first trimester. So they don't know that we're pregnant, too.

One day at a time...for now, we'll keep hoping for the best for both sets of beans. Or raspberries, as DH is calling the baby this week. :)

I'm a Worrywort

2007-01-16T08:19:00.000-08:00

LT had to talk me down out of a tree again for about the 50th time. Poor woman, it's a curse that she is one of the only people I've shared our news with. She's bearing the brunt of my angst right now.

Don't get me wrong...DH is an absolute dream. He always asks me how I'm feeling. He asks what he can do to help me, how he can help more around the house (which, by the way, is not humanly possible...the guy is Superman when it comes to helping me keep the house clean), how he can help with supper. He rocks, and he's my number one fan.

But still, this whole pregnancy gig, and the wicked mood swings and worrying associated with it, are something best understood by someone who's been there, done that. LT had a rockin' pregnancy, and she has been a really good guide for me these past few weeks. But she's given me the proverbial Come to Jesus regarding my worrying ways.

My faith is very important to me. God is a big part of my life, and I'm active in my faith. DH and I share a love for God and service, and we strive to grown in our faith as much as we can. But dag nabbit if I haven't decided since we got pregnant that I'm Atlas trying to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders! WHAT GIVES?

God's right here with us. God has got our back, and whatever happens with this pregnancy, it's all out of my hands. I will work hard to stay physically and emotionally healthy during this time of transition. But the end result is not mine to choose. So LT has urged me to lighten up on myself and get back to my spiritual center. And dang it all, she's so right.

I had an experience in college in which I was starting to date a boy I really, really liked. I dinstinctively remember praying for God's will to be done. And then, the guy dumped me. And ever since then, I've been afraid to pray for God's will to be done. Silly, but true. So there's a big fat hole in my faith...I'm scared of God's will.

Thank goodness I've got plenty of spiritual growing yet to do. I pray that God will give me the chance to abandon my fear in favor of peace.

Finding the Right Doc

2007-01-11T08:17:00.000-08:00

I'm wondering if we've found the right doctor. Neither DH nor myself got warm fuzzies from the OB we met with for our preconception appointment. She was thorough and informative, but not terribly warm. Her nurse was abrupt and cold. It was not an entirely positive experience.

We found Doctor B through a local magazine who rated her as one of the top OB/GYN physicians in our area. She's got oodles of accolades and recognition under her belt. And she just happens to be well-regarded in DH's family, as we later found out. (DH's father worked with her in a business capacity, we learned almost by accident when we mentioned her name to him a few months ago. He thinks very highly of her.) DH's cousin and his wife used Doctor B when they had two of their three kids. She's got a fantastic reputation both within our family and within our community.

How come our experience in her office didn't quite leave me feeling great about her?

We later found out that she only works three days per week now, and she no longer does labor and delivery. So there is 0% chance she'll be in the delivery room with us, and getting an appointment with her already seems to take Herculean effort.

We've decided we'll go see her for our first appointment on 1/22, but we'll keep our minds open in case it's not the right fit. A friend has recommended her OB/GYN, she and her partner absolutely loved thier other doc. So it's nice to have another option.

I just wish I felt really settled and pleased with our choice in Doctor B. My gut isn't giving me the greatest feeling on this, but I'm hoping things will turn around on Visit #2. If they don't, DH and I are ready to explore our other options.

UGH.

I'm Going to Burst...

2007-01-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

I am slowly...slowly...building a support network around me. It's challenging, because I am trying hard to be true to the commitment DH and I have made not to announce our news until the end of the first trimester.

We have told precisely two people about our news. My dear friend LT here in town (because I needed support from someone I could connect with on a daily basis) and my best friend KC in North Carolina. (She's practically across the nation from me, and this girl knows how to keep a secret!)

I had an email from my therapist yesterday asking me how I was doing since the wedding, letting me know she was thinking of me and DH. (She's an amazing person, I love her to bits.) I emailed her back with the news because she is always wise in her guidance, and I knew she'd have something sage for us. As well, she is a woman of deep faith. I knew that quietly sharing our news with her would garner the prayers and happy thoughts that DH and I really want right now.

She caught me by surprise with her comments:

"I know it's in vogue these days not to share the news until the end of the first trimester due to risk of miscarriage. But I think that's a mistake. A miscarriage is a death, and couples need support when they go through something like that."

Hmm...it really got me thinking.

I still don't want to tell The World what's going on, but it suddenly occured to me that Therapist might be right.

And where else could I use the support more than at work? So I told my three close friend/coworkers. B, A and M were all really excited and happy for me, and they shared my cautious optimism. B in particular, who is a new mother herself, shared her thoughts that I really have to keep my thoughts positive for the sake of the kid.

It's funny when you share some of the most important news you'll ever have to share, then immediately start crying. I'm riding the Hormone Tidal Wave in a BIG WAY right now, and the fear seems to be eclipsing everything else. Where does this come from???

DH and I made a pact last night that we're going to get back in the nightly habit of prayer. We're still forming our routines in life, having only been married about three months now. Prayer is something that's important to both of us, but it's taking more getting used to than we expected to supplement private, personal prayer with couples prayer. We're great at the dinner table, but not so good when it comes to bedtime prayer. Still growing and adapting with that...

In the meantime, I sure wish my hormones would stabilize a bit. Along with my stomach...
At the moment, I cannot stand the scent of 99.9% of the food I come across in daily life. Last night, all I wanted was cheese and Triscuits with Top Ramen. Geez, not exactly a healthful dinner. I'm just tired of the All Day Sickness.

Visiting the Dentist

2007-01-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

Aaah, the dentist. I hate hate hate going to the dentist. It's always the same...
Dentist: "You have such beautiful teeth! Your xrays look wonderful, everything looks great! Now let me take one last look in your mouth here...

Oh wait...

I've found some decay here...it looks like one of your fillings has cracked, and there is decay underneath the composite. We'll have to take care of that."

And then my internal freak-out begins: OH NO, I HATE GETTING FILLINGS. I HATE THE DRILL. I HATE THE SOUND OF THE DRILL. I HATE THE NOVICAINE. I HATE HATE HATE FILLINGS.

And of course, this is exactly what happened today.

I had gone in to check out a new dentist in my neighborhood. DH and I want to find someone closer to our new house. I knew I had a cracked filling in my mouth (I could feel it), but I was holding out to find a dentist who offered nitrous oxide. Laughing Gas really helps me take the edge off that infernal drilling.

And then, of course, I have to tell the new doc (and it turns out, every single person in his office) that I'm pregnant so they don't attack me with the X-Ray machine.

Which was fine, except for the fact that it massively bummed me out that seven people in a dental office know we're expecting before our own parents do! Sigh...being conservative and careful has its drawbacks, for sure.

The best news of the day (NOT) is that I have three spots that need fillings. And I can't have an ounce of nitrous oxide while I'm pregnant. So unless I want to be a fool and wait nine months so the decay can continue to wreck havoc in my mouth, it looks like I'll soon be doped up on Novicaine. The staff tried to console me (peel me off the ceiling) my telling me about their wonderful "movie glasses," in which you can watch any romantic comedy you want while the doctor drills tiny holes into your head.

Excuse me if I don't sound thrilled, but I'll take my nitrous any day over "When Harry Met Sally."

Looks like I'll need to do some deep breathing and plan to forgo the laughing gas. Our little peppercorn is worth it, but I'm still totally freaked out.

Guess it's time to head over to Blockbuster to check out the Kate Hudson selections...

Whidbey Island Weekend

2007-01-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

DH's parents have a lovely second home on Whidbey Island. Their neighborhood, called Admiral's Cove, overlooks the Triangle of Fire in the Straight of San Juan de Fuca. From their home overlooking the water, you can see Fort Worden, Fort Flaggler, and Fort Casey...the three military bases that once guarded the Puget Sound during the Cold War.

DH and I love to go to Whidbey for a quick getaway weekend. It's a quick ferry ride away from the mainland. Taking that ferry ride makes all the difference; it really gives you the impression of getting AWAY.

We had been eager to have a weekend at Whidbey with DH's parents. They are lovely people, and we really enjoy spending time with them. They enjoy sharing their beautiful home with us, and we love having a peaceful and relaxing getaway weekend.

This past weekend, DH and I also took another ferry ride over from Keystone to Port Townsend. DH's favorite car shop is in PT, and we had a few orders of personalized stationery to pick up. So it made for a quick and fun excursion on Saturday morning. We ate pizza at Port Townsend Pizza, indulging ourselves in two slices each for lunch!

I've continued to struggle with nausea this weekend. DH and I prepared one of our Dream Dinners on Saturday night. The scent of Santa Fe Pork Wraps was enough to make nearly lose it. They tasted okay but not great, and I was hungry for supper but thankfully never got sick.
Fragrances and ideas do the most to stir the nausea. I've not had an incident of food itself actually making me sick, it's more the idea of something gross that makes my tummy turn.

NOTHING TASTES GOOD NOW. Everything tastes "off" in my mouth. I was craving enchiladas last weekend, and when I got a bite into my mouth, it did nothing for me whatsoever. Ugh.

I'm going to really work on nutrition and food journaling this week. It's been a struggle for me to eat well these past few days, and I find that I am still craving salads. So I'd better indulge and plan to have salads for a few days this week. I also want to continue with exercising, because I need it to stay sane.

Thank goodness for relaxing times at Whidbey! I loved being with my in-law's, but it was torturous not to let them in on Our Little Secret. We have finally figured out how we'll let them know about the baby in a few short weeks. It will be much fun to plan for the surprise!

Wedding Photos

2007-01-04T08:04:00.000-08:00

I have finally contacted our wedding photographer to order the prints of 300 images from our wedding. She shot over 700 photos, and it was really fun selecting all of our favorites to put into an album. I had such a delightful time looking at the photos and reminiscing about that amazing day...

It's hard to believe that just a few weeks later, we are now preparing for a baby! I feel so blessed. DH is such a wonderful husband and person, and we're making a wonderful life together.

God is good!

We're Pregnant!

2007-01-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

DH and I decided in late October that we were open to starting a family. The whole thing seemed exciting, frightening, thrilling, scary...all at the same time!

We decided to actively start "trying" in November. I did a little bit of charting (thanks, J&M for the excellent NFP resource!), so I knew when timing might be optimal. It's amazing to suddenly start paying attention to things that never mattered before, symptoms I barely noticed previously, and feelings that I'd never experienced before now.

I took the pregnancy test one day after I was "late," and I spent the next several minutes crying in the guest bathroom as the two lines appeared. I put the stick away in a drawer, then convinced myself it was just a mirage, then pulled the stick back out to look at it again to be sure, then convinced myself it was false. Back and forth and back and forth. :)

I was crying from excitement, crying from fear, crying because I wanted so much to be pregnant, and I was crying because I was so freaked out that I might be pregnant. (Talk about jumbled emotions!)

I walked around all day on December 23rd in a state of shock.

I wanted so much to wait until December 24th, Christmas Eve, to tell DH about our positive test result. I wantd to give him a wonderful Christmas gift, that only the two of us and God would know about. But I couldn't, in good conscience, go to sleep on 12/23 not having him know what was going on.

I quickly searched through my treasured hope chest to find my tiny silver baby rattle...the one my parents had given me when I was an infant. It is tarnished, beaten and dented with tiny little teeth marks. And yet I wanted to give it to Todd as a symbol of our new, great expectation.
I wrapped the gift up, and took it downstairs that evening to give to Todd. Funny boy, he was fixated on all sorts of other things, like opening OTHER gift boxes, fixing house problems, and putting little odds and ends away. There was a gorgeous small package on the coffee table waiting for Todd to open, and yet he had a million other details he wanted to attend to. (I was so frustrated!)

Eventually, Todd got the Evil Eye from me...he knew it was time to settle down and focus on this mysterious gift box.

He opened the box, opened the tissue, and saw the baby rattle inside. A quizzical look passed his face, then he looked at me intensely and asked, "Does this mean we're...?"

"It means we're going to have a baby," I said.

Tears, shock, more tears, excitement, joy, more tears. Pure mixed emotions just as I had experienced earlier that same afternoon. But now we were sharing the rollercoaster ride, just as it should be.

And then we had to settle in to the fact that we had a Big Secret. :)